ACL Repair Week 3

Highlights

• Healing is long, hard and emotional - it takes more than you think and you will hit a plateau with steps foward and back
• Healing physical wounds impacts emotional capacity to regulate, cope and respond

This week had wins and challenges. I spent at least three days on the couch, unable to move or think. It wasn't a nice kind of lay down - it was a "I want to move and speak" but I can't will myself to. This seems to happen more when I do all my physio exercises, or when I go out for a "field trip". I walked three blocks this week, and that seemed to wipe me out. I tried going to a holiday gathering - stayed an hour and was wiped for days. On the days I'm out and down, I can't do my physio, and progress slides back. My hypermobility keeps the mobility progressing fine, but the strength and mass is diminishing fast. The more muscle I lose, the more mobile/flexible I am, but also the more unstable I am.

I went to the ACL support group talk. This time it was on the psychology of healing. The past talks were on rehab performance and ACL recovery 101. All of them offered useful info on the different parts of the healing. In the talk this week, Tori Wood went through the psychological impact and process of the injury and recovery. She talked about how emotional regulation is affected when we are wounded. Since ACL ruptures and surgery are a large traumatic event for the body, the body goes into emergency mode and uses all its energy to attend to the wound. There is inflammation, infection control, pain, swelling, etc. Consquently, the rest of the body loses the energy it normally would have for other activities. The body goes into high cortisol (fight or flight), and abandons functions like digestion and emotional regulation. She mentioned that emotional regulation is the last to come back online. This was particularly helpful for me as I judge myself for not having emotional capacity and having this confirmed helps a bit.

My physio reported that my knee bend is now at 145 degreees and we are aiming for 155 degrees, and my leg straightening actually regressed to -2 degrees, but also assured me that it is normal to have progress be forward and back....as well as warning there will be a long plateau.

I was rummaging through my phone cleaning out photos, looking for pieces of the past, and generally scrolling while I tried to muster the energy to get up and get water. Every energy output is more exhausting to do and exhausts me after I do it. But while gaping in awe at just how many of my past photos were of street cats and packaging (food biz days), I found photos of my left ACL's surgery from 7 years ago. I am happy to say I think this current surgery is healing up better. I see the previous surgery had less incisions though. I also see I have the same blue shorts I seem to prefer for my "ACL" recovery days. It's a pair from my own brand, Ashenzi, so I'm kinda stoked they lasted this long. They have to be about 15 years or so! and still going strong, soft and comfy.

Over all, it was an up and down week. I'm struggling with emotional regulation and fatigue. The compounding healing I am doing is challenging, and while I believe I will get through it, I'm feeling low right now. I'm telling myself that this too will change.