I'm ( ) okay

25.12.19

My mind is racing
The demons won’t go away.
On the surface,
I’m singing,
But underneath I’m not okay.
I’m not even trying
To look fine,
I’ve done it so many times
It’s second nature.
Dark clouds
When will you go away?
Where is the girl
That used to laugh out loud
And smile big?
Or was she hiding the darkness too?
I never asked for these experiences.
I never asked to be put through fire.
I didn’t need to be made strong.
So Why?
Why can’t I see the light
Through the haze.
It’s not just one thing that happened
Or one person who I've lost.
It’s all of them in a pile.
Small and tired,
I’m trying to go on.
I make the marks that look like I’m flying,
But underneath,
I’m drowning.
I’m not trying to look okay,
But on the surface,
I’ve learned how to do it well.
Mama did it too,
And I learned without even knowing.
Will someone help me?
Will someone take me away?
From this body that’s aching,
And this soul that can’t rest.
From the outside,
It looks like I’m winning,
Like I’m doing super.
But inside,
all of me
Just wants to be okay.