Identity

The first time I recall pondering about my identity was when I was 5. At that time, i didn't know the word "identity" but I remember wondering what made me ME, and how that differentiated from others... my sibling(s), other kids, adults, animals. I recognized I had similarities to other humans, so thus we were in a category. By the time I was 12, I was thick in comtemplating the connection and separation of body, mind, thoughts and feelings. I was curious and analytical but lacked the words, guidance and knowledge to make sense or know how to further investigate my inqueries.

Since then, I've peeled back a few layers and discovered some answers, only to aoruse more queries. My philosophy is that what I need to know in this life will come to me somwhow and I will know it if I choose to. My approach is to be curious about what different perspectives, studies, and philisophies have to say, but take each one with open skepticism, and take in what feels right. I am open to considering and trying different ways if it feels right to try. This definitely isn't foolproof nor easy. I have found lessons generally always have difficulty and challenges, which is in the heart of learning, and I sometimes/often overthink my way through things. Thinking is useful and fun, but thinking without feeling is incomplete as a method as feelings are strong guides that partner with thinking. When I think without regarding how I feel, I have overstepped the purpose of thinking, and I land in Overthinking Spiral...which also comes with a whole lot of anxiety. I've noticed when I doing my best and in my flow, I am utilizing a balance of both my feelings and thoughts to conjointly make decisions and repsonses.

So how does this all enfold in a human being? And what's the business of having a spirit and soul?

Differentiation of the body, mind, spirit, soul, thoughts and feelings

Thoughts. Feelings. Body. Mind. Brain. Spirit. Soul. Self.

There are so many elements of a being and they all seem to point to oneself.

How I've currently landed to interpret who I am as a being

Body: The fleshly vehicle in which houses my mind and soul. It gives feedback, responding through feelings of primarily pain and pleasure to guide me to what is positive for my carnal survival.

Brain: Part of my physical body. The central processing unit (CPU) of my body. It houses all the necessary equipment to tell the body how to function.

Spirit: Life force that fuels body and soul. It feels more general though. Like a individual chunk from a greater mass of energy.

Soul: Unique to a being. Metaphysical existence encapsulating my experiences, wisdom, and knowledge. Uses feelings to communicate to Body an Self.

Self: Is this Ego? Identifiers to "who I am" in relation to "Others"?

Feelings: Linked between soul and body. Communication from my Self and Soul to my Body to have actions aligned with what they want.

Thoughts: Interprets of information coming in to make decisions on how to engage with the outer world.

Mind: I think my mind is the collection of my thoughts, and what produces the thoughts.

It's a continuous journey, and I enjoy the challenge of exploring and discovering what is my truth of myself and the world. Through the ventures I've had, I've embraced that the limitations of our perspectives results in many truths, with no one to be comepletely infallible.

Which leaves me to...

I am not what I do, I am how I do.

Several injuries and unexpected challenges have given me the unintended and unplanned opportunities to dig into who I am. I used to identify myself with that I did - I was a climber, entrepreneur, partner/girlfriend, daughter, student, leader, etc. When I had my business, KAPOW NOW!, I found myself merged with the brand as seen commonly with small business owners. But all those roles drowned me as they are singular and only part of what I did in my life. Then there were the layers of demographics - Asian, Taiwanese or Chinese, female, my age, birthplace, birthdate. And those are descriptors that are useful for the legal and social logistics to operate in this earthly world. They all still didn't quite hit who I am.

And so scrap all that. What I do can fall away, and does change. I can stop what I do. Many things I used to do, I have. And then, I do other things. The restrictions of identifying myself with what I do it that when I stop doing them, I am no more. So that's silly and only really a description of my acitivities in that period of time. Demographic descriptors were given to me, and while true to where my body landed, what it looks like and to an extent, how it functions, they are also superficial to who I am.

So how I do what I do lands closer to my Soul and Self. The way I move in the world reflects my values and the wisdom I've gathered. No matter what it is I do, the way I do it will generally reflect through as values are holistic. And this is how I currently embody my Self, with the understanding that I don't know what will I will learn further so I stay open to the possibilities of that changing.

I do feel on a deeper level, that really I am a ball of energy carrying a Soul. That feels simple, peaceful and infinite. That also feels truest to the purpose of my life: to love the fullest and best I can. At the ending of life as I know it, when my last breath leaves, I hope that I go with the peace that I had given, experienced and explored love to the fullest and truest I could. That's it.